SumYuhnGai's Life

I've been writing on a laptop I temporarily borrowed for a while. Here are some of those old thoughts... as well as new thoughts afterwards.

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04-19-06

A fat girl came into the convienient store today. (as said in the manner of Al Bundy, a la Married With Children)

And she was cute.

The End.

What was the moral of the story? Well, that fat girls can be cute. heeh, OK That was just silly.

There is a wide variety of people that come into the store I currently work at. Every type there is. Everything from smelly bums, to beautiful rose scented women (my favorite). It's a facinating job. I stand for eight hours at time watching people come and go - buying heavily over-priced items just because it's "convienient" - the store around the corner. I see all these people - generally nice and well mannered people - and too many of them are wasting their lives away to their stupid addictions - liqor, tobacco, pornography, even caffine saturated drinks! Junk food! All there to please them... waste their money and time.
I can see the POTENTIAL in all of these people!! And they're screwing themselfs out of it! Ways of the world! First hand.
Another thing that suprises me about this job is the connection of the phisical appearance of a person and the additude / voice / outgoing-ness. It's just a surprise once in a while.

And to all the American soldiers that I see every week in the store... thank you... for your service to america, to fight and help free other nations and for protecting us... as well as the many ungreatful fools that lye herein.

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So I'm here listening to Roy Masters on the radio typing up my blog on my brothers newly aquanted laptop. It used to belong to my father, but it turns out that he no longer has a use for it. I remember my brother asking me "Do you want dad's laptop?" I immediately responded with "Nah, I'm gonna buy my own." not thinking that my father was prepared to give it away. But it's a-ok because I have afore mentioned - I currently have aquired it! My brother has been so kind to let me "borrow" it, temporarily. It's fantastic to have the ability to compose music where ever I am - whenever I want. I simply love it.


"To fall in love is to fall away from what love is really about."
-Roy Masters

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05-08-06

I have to write about this, I just can't help it. So many things have happened recently and they seem mundane in comparison to how this little thing has effected me.

I have a crush. And a major one at that, it seems. I thought I got over it, but I saw her again.
A while back, a girl I've known about five years suprised me by showing up to the singles ward I attend. It was a suprise because I haven't seen her in a while and I also didn't realize how old she was, nor to expect her there.

She ended up sitting next to me in class after I showed her around to all the different classes we had. We chatted a bit. And I realized how cute she was... putting aside past differences, she's adorible.

It was break the fast and she didn't join me this time in class... as I was internally hoping she would.

She seemed incredibly nervous during our break the fast dinner as I asked her simple questions. Moving funny... excessively nodding her head as if to fill in the space for a lack of words or thoughts.

"There's nothing here for me now." My mind went blank. I had no idea how to respond. Of course there is more for her here! I just didn't know how to say it. It almost seemed like she was frustrated with something and wanted to move on or away from it.
"Maybe you'll find your fiance here." he said
"I highly doubt it." I just stared at her. Once again blank for words to speak. But I thought, you never know.

After I cought up with her outside she was much more relaxed, we were pretty much alone - along side of others. It was a more relaxed atmosphere I guess. She seemed completely normal now and I walked up to her and I thought "This is probably my last chance to talk to her for a week or longer."

I don't remember how the conversation started... I think I asked her if she drived and after a sway of topics as conversations seem to go, as we talked she kept inching up on me, closer and closer. I was being taken aback and found myself stuck because I was leaning against a pillar. I usually do these such things. Leaning on walls, a door frame, a chair... I felt a small rush through my body as I realized as she was getting closer to me as she got more into her story of visiting another state. I had to focus on her eyes - her beautiful eyes. I always thought she had beautiful eyes, I almost told her once. I should have told her. I would tell her now - that's how much I've changed in my personality since working.

"I... might see you next week. I dunno."
"Take care." I said almost with too much of a proffesional tone to my voice. Hoping I would see her again. With her back to me as she walked away she stopped and thought for a split second and looked over her shoulder and said quietly "You too."

After my initial first crush in over ten years... after getting over it, that is. I seemed to jump from one girl to the next, small crush after small crush. For a total of three anyway. And now it's back to the original girl.

She's a woman I can easily imagine myself waking up beside every morning. Now that's a good thought.

Looking back, she used to like me right from the very beginning. I recall one temple trip we went on as an young adult activity, she was extremely friendly and quite pressing in trying to get to know me. I, being such a shy guy at the time, could hardly eat my ice cream and it slowly melted as she kept talking to me. I don't remember the conversation now. But I do remember fumbling my words and feeling ackward and that inability to eat my icecream. heh


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05-21-06

AHA! A post of random-ness...

I'm home again and I love it. Even though it's even more messy than last week! hahah
I actually felt like cleaning up... and I did, a little, but the internet side-tracked me. Ah well.

I love my home. I love Arizona. But I love to travel too. I'd love to live somewhere else. I want multiple homes. I'm going to get multiple homes. I know it.

My first crush in about ten years didn't show up to church today. I was a little dissapointed and yet a little releived. I don't know how to explain it. I guess that maybe it was the fact I could think about other things than her that gave me a sense of freedom and peace? Yeah. I knew she wasn't going to show. I felt it. I think I didn't show her enough attention last week so she got confused as to show up or not. She says "I don't know anybody here, except you."
"Well, keep coming back and you'll get to know the cool people here." I said.
I think she feels like an outsider. It's the impression I've gotten for a long time. Her being liberal politically when most of our church seems to be conservative. She mentioned not having friends, her job isn't working her much, little things here and there. And now I find out she's moving to California to go to college. And she wants to eventually go to Paris to study! She wants to learn another language to study at school... heh, that just seemed to sound so... bass ackwards. But, it also sounds exciting.

I work two jobs now, did you know? Yep. Maybe I've mentioned it. But, it keeps me busy virtually all day, all week long. I have VERY little time to do anything on my own. And I have to depend on others to help me get to places.

It's not fun. So, I'm going for my drivers liscense VERY soon. Like... tomorrow if possible. hehe


Looking back on my crush weeks, it seems really silly to me know. But it's amazing how much it affected me. One day at work one of my fellow employees came up to me close and said "You don't think about your girlfriend now. Think about work only." He noticed I had already made too many mistakes and he didn't want any more because they directly affected him. hehe, I thought it was so funny that he said that. I guess I was just giving off that vibe.

And to my good friend across the country: I will be praying for you.
// SygLyfe - A signature of life // ©