SumYuhnGai's Life

Wow, it's been a long time since I've done that. The whole anger in the argument was stupid. My father came to a personal realization - one of those "ah-ha!" moments I love so much. And I didn't entirely agree with what he was saying. I wanted to challenge some of his viewpoints... and he wouldn't let me. And I kept trying and he still cut me off - overspoke me as I tried to overspeak him. It is an aweful thing to do. Very disrespectful. I gave up - a couple times. I just wanted him to understand my viewpoint. He said I insulted him - calling him stupid. And I said nothing of the sort - nor would I. It was just his feelings of my disagreement towards his "ah-ha!" moment that hurt his pride, he wanted to be right, and thus he felt insulted - AS IF I insulted him directly.
And on the flip-side, he did insult me. Clearly and directly - multiple times. I told him it was very disrepectful and I did not appreciate it at all. It's not my father is a bad person. He's not. (read below)
It's just that I became overly emotionally involved - I couldn't look at it objectvely Oh? That's normal you say? I "suppose" it is, but it shouldn't be. Everyone - almost everyone - is too emotionally involved in EVERYTHING! STOP IT you fools. (I'm talking to myself here too hehe)

I went off to meditate in a rage of frustration. My mind was running rampant with stupid things your mind does when your angry. Well, in my case it was nothing evil towards my father. It's not in my nature, but I did have feelings of "I don't care anymore". And on and on my mind went with carrying on the conversation - or - what could have happened. It's a pretty useless thing to do, in my opinion. But it helped me with something. I thought up something aweful and almost felt like screaming and breaking things - at that moment I recalled the last time I "tried out" my anger to see what it was like. I didn't like it then, and I never wanted to do it again - including this time - My father needed his sleep. Then it just hit me...

Oh - my - word! There are people in this world going through things I just thought - and worse. Your mind is such a powerful thing. I could feel as if I was in that situation - without fully breaking down. And in an instant of this understanding all the anger towards my father evaporated. I felt so blessed and happy. So greatful and comforted! I wanted to explain this to my father - but he's asleep. hehe
I realized how simpleton the situation was. It was clear to me now - as it should have been while it was happening.

And now that I look back on it I don't care what he said. I'll always love'm. The big goof. ^_^ hehe
This shouldn't happen. There was something off today, I noticed it early on. We accomplished a lot, we cleaned up our backyard and had a great time doing it too! I listened to the entire God Forbid - Constitution of Treason album and I felt like I was on a power trip. I had an illusion of power because of this music durring the later portion of my day. It was cool in one way, but strange in another. I think it had something to do with my foggy headed-ness.

I have a recent saying: "My father is good practice... of testing my patience"
// SygLyfe - A signature of life // ©